Twilight. I’m confused.
Ok, I know I'm way late on the whole “Twilight Craze,” but my fiancée is reading this book and she cannot put it down. I make fun of her every time I get a chance. But it's not just that simple. She watched the movie, loved it, and thought that the lead actor was hot, so that gives her a mental image of some hot vampire dude love story to think about while she reads the book.
Hey, I know it sounds like I'm hating but really I'm not. I didn’t think the movie was awful or even the worst of all time, it was just way way way to mushy for being a vampire movie. Vampires literally eat animals and by animals I mean people. With their bare hands 'n fangs. Yes, no utensils needed. They rip skin off like a bad paper cut.
I asked her what was so intriguing about the book and here was her analysis: “The reason why I and many women love this story is because the main vampire, Edward, is deeply in love with Bella (main women character.) He loves her but cannot do anything physical with her and that type of “naughty” tension (wink, wink) is what I think keeps people reading. The fact that he loves her and doesn’t want to hurt her, yet he says, "her blood is the sweetest he had smelled in a 100 years.” So he can't do anything with her because he might lose control and EAT her. Therein lies the conflict and the draw for reading these stories.
Now, when I heard this, the first thing I thought of was how lonely is this girl that outta all of the people in all the world she falls in love with a dang vampire? I mean, come on. That’s like me having a pet lion or a pet dragon and loving it all day and never coming to the conclusion that hey, when my pet dragon or lion is hungry all this lovey-dovey stuff is going out the window. It's gonna bite my face off.
I'm just a guy venting. It’s a wildly famous book and series, but all I want to know is what am I missing? Did Bella watch too many episodes of Blade or what? Please, let me know. I'm trying to understand why we don’t write a book called "Big Dummy" starring Bella co-starring a herd of rabid moose. (Yes, moose is plural for moose. And yes, they're very mean.)
Here are some examples of what animals do when they attack. Please be aware. These are quite graphic.
See? This is what animals do, and animals aren’t vampires. Vampires are worse and they bite your neck, which is sensitive.
March 31st, 2009 - 13:34
The teenage vampires from the Lost Boys would destroy the teenage vampires from Twilight. Fact.
March 31st, 2009 - 14:11
Go buy/rent “Let the Right One In” – foreign vampire film like none other. Just came out actually so it’s not some random old foreign film.
March 31st, 2009 - 14:43
I think “Twilight” romanticizes the whole vampire thing (i.e. Bram Stoker’s “Dracula”) I’ve read all the books and although the storyline is great, the writing isn’t. And as for the movie, sorry Channing, but Robert Pattinson’s Edward is definitely dreamy (even though the movie sucked).
March 31st, 2009 - 15:41
I don’t know anything about the movie Twilight, but you’re absolutely hilarious.
March 31st, 2009 - 16:06
This commentary just makes me like you even more, Channing. You have a very accurate understanding of women…cause wink, wink, the naughty tension is the best part. Nice call…and good luck tonight versus Utah…I will be there to cheer ya’ll on!
March 31st, 2009 - 16:11
my wife is into the books…saw the movie and hated it but can’t wait for the next one for some reason. I just roll my eyes and go back to watching something sports related on TV or reading Blazeredge.com
Ur gonna get married, so here’s a small piece of advice: don’t question too much what she is reading, or she’ll make you read it too. Or she will get all mad that you just make fun of what she enjoys doing…either way, it goes down a road you don’t want to go down!
March 31st, 2009 - 17:57
Funny
You are obviously smart and have a great wit.
You nailed Twilight. My friends and I call it “even good girls want a bad boy flick.
However, moose are not mean. They are misunderstood anxious beast (and they taste good).
March 31st, 2009 - 18:00
i just saw the movie today (im a girl) the only reason i decided to rent it is because i wanted to see the reason why all the girls go crazy over the movie and the edward guy. But overall it was a good movie but it wasnt a movie to go crazy over lol
March 31st, 2009 - 18:03
Channing, how does it feel to be in the “twilight” of your career at age 25? Now, before I set Channing Nation crazy, I’d just like to say it’s been a fun year, and the truth is I am a big Channing Frye fan. I also love Shasta cola, Pabst beer, Tony Roma’s pizza, and Cup of Noodles – basically, anything mediocre and generic. I have never seen such a Hallmark like celebration of someone that plays 10 minutes per game, and I have been truly entertained. I look forward to chatting with all of you on “steveblakeisahalloffamer.com” and can’t wait to see the Lifetime movie that one of you is writing for Channing’s life story!
March 31st, 2009 - 21:10
I have no idea why I like those books. Everyone I know has no idea why they like the books. It’s not like it’s great fiction but for some reason I could not put it down and had to immediately go out and get the next one.
Cute hamster video but I kept waiting for it to turn to the camera and attack.
March 31st, 2009 - 23:36
I don’t like the book either, Channing. And I’m a GIRL…so apparently I’m expected to like it haha. Great game tonight, man! It was nice meeting you after the game!
April 1st, 2009 - 14:02
Classic. I love this post.
And you’re right, when animals attack, it’s insane. A rabbit lives in my living room and that thing murders bananas like no one else.
April 1st, 2009 - 14:28
I saw the movie the other day and was dumbfounded by the same thing. Who was his past lover that had sweeter blood than Bella 100 years ago? That lady must have been equally as dumb to fall for the same guy. Maybe that is the sequel, that it is somehow her grandmother or something. You know, they say that stuff runs in the blood.
Bella has all the benefits of an internet long distance lover with all the issues of being around each other everyday.
I really think Count Chocula was more interesting than this vampire movie. Good call.
April 1st, 2009 - 15:08
Channing, I have to say that I understand your opinion on this COMPLETELY (it is indeed a chick flick and the books were written for young women) and I totally understand your fiancee side as well as I have read every single one of the books and loved them! Should I be admitting that since they were written for young adults…maybe not, but oh well. The lead vampire is basically the perfect man, which honestly, what woman is not attracted to that ideal even though we all know that doesn’t exsist? As for why she is attracted to a vampire, don’t we all love a little bad boy? And the thought of someone loving you so completely that they would do anything for you and protect you from anything is the whole knight in shining armor philosophy, those two are my best ideas on this topic.
April 1st, 2009 - 15:09
I second the rec for “Let The Right One In”. It makes a joke out of Twilight. There is also a really good indie film from the 90s called “Habit” which is pretty cool as well.
April 1st, 2009 - 15:26
Your article is on Truehoop.
April 1st, 2009 - 16:07
As a girl I find these books awful. Stephanie Myer’s writing is just painful. The movie was good for laughing at ridiculous shots though. Jasper’s one facial expression through-out the entire movie, vampire baseball, and then Edward’s paper-flying up then him holding it down metaphor once he smells Bella is fantastic in comedy alone.
April 1st, 2009 - 18:38
Channing,
Vampire mythology and fiction has long had a history of being sexualized in one manner or another. Whereas the Twilight books have a lot of teen-friendly, chaste hearthrob stuff going on, Anne Rice’s vampire novels of the 90s are loaded with S&M overtones and latent homoeroticism.
The handsome vampire is a predator, focused on matters of the flesh. He is a kissing bandit with unquestionable power and if you are his target you are helpless to resist… or at least that’s the idea. There is actually a substantial amount of egghead discourse on the psychology of it all.
Oh, and Lucas Tucker… stop being such a hater troll and give Uncle Cliff back all the stuff you stole in your tweeking stupor. ^_^
April 1st, 2009 - 19:57
I read the first book and I was like waiting for the vampire dude to rip the chicks face off, like seriously, if you have a brain NOT 100% consumed by mushy gushy crap, you gotta see something weird about a chick falling for a vampire, I mean COME ON…
I kinda agree with Channing on this one, every single girl at my school is OBSESSED with Twilight! I can’t stand it, everywhere I look is some Twilight poster or some Twilight bag, ughhhh. Well…I guess it’s better than Broke Back Mountain….wouldn’t that be weird…
April 1st, 2009 - 23:02
I still think Twilight is some cheap knock off off Buffy the vampire slayer. Buffy and her relationship with Angel, and if Angel does the nasty he becomes evil and what not. Maybe I’m missing the point and I haven’t seen Twilight but, again, I just think that it’s Buffy without the superpowers getting with a vampire.
April 2nd, 2009 - 00:46
I’ve read all of the books and they are really good (I’m a girl), but I thought the movie sucked… I know a couple guys that have read them and like them, but most would agree with you on your take on Twilight. That was hilarious to read though. Ha.
You’re awesome, Channing.
GO BLAZERS!!!
April 2nd, 2009 - 12:52
Congrats on the engagement! I realize it has nothing to do with Twilight but this is the first post I’ve read that’s mentioned a fiancee as opposed to an awesome girlfriend. LOL. Good luck! Bear Down!
April 2nd, 2009 - 13:11
you made my day! your entry made my laugh. i love twilight. yes, 13 year old giddy, school girls enjoy this book, yet i couldn’t put the book down. i plowed through the who series in three weeks. my husband thought i was nuts! i had him take me to see twilight on valentine’s day.
the book is all about sexual tension. need i say, that’s the best part of the book. you’re right, he’s weird and that’s what facinates here and eventually that’s who she falls in love with. she’s not normal, obviously. she’s considers herself boring and bland and classmates weren’t really interested in her; but that all changes when she moves to some sleepy town in washington. so at first, she was weird too.
April 2nd, 2009 - 17:50
Funny post. I did read the book and never expected I’d be one of those “I-cannot-put-the-book-down” chick craze. I got hooked, to say the least. But never really understood how a century plus old vampire can stay virgin! Oh p-lease!
April 2nd, 2009 - 19:05
You write the best posts. And the best part is, the posts are all you! You and your thoughts on things. So great!
Twilight – just listen to your girl. She summed up everything you would understand about Twilight and how it effects women! She’s a smart woman. You’ll have to follow-up this post and let us know what she thinks once she’s finished the series!
April 2nd, 2009 - 21:45
I work with a couple of ladies who are nuts about Twilight, and thus have to hear about it all the time, and quite frankly I don’t get it either (I had the same problem with Harry Potter). I shared your insights with them, and was surprised to hear that neither of them had considered the “naughty tension, impossible-love-due-to-risk-of-being-eaten scenario” as their reason for obsession. In fact, the closer either of them came to touching on that was a Romeo and Juliet (forbidden love) analogy, which is similar. Anyway, without seeing the movie or reading the book, I was able to keep up in a conversation at work for the first time in a long time, thanks for that!
April 3rd, 2009 - 17:13
I loved these books! I refuse to watch the movie, I’ve heard too many bad things about it, and I don’t think Robert Pattison is hot or right for the role. However, as I explained it to my husband, in the end, Bella becomes a vampire and feels that she was always meant to be one. So … it kind of explains her attraction to Edward.
April 6th, 2009 - 10:54
I’m pretty sure Lauren’s reading my copy of Twilight…left it on the couch during NYE..lol
April 8th, 2009 - 23:43
My girlfriend read all the books and couldn’t stop raving about them to me. Then she made me see the movie with her and I thought it was mediocre at best. Blade was a much better vampire movie in my opinion. The worst part is that now she has totally unrealistic romantic expectations of me, as if I should be some crazy super-sexy vampire. Oh women . . .
April 10th, 2009 - 06:17
Ultimately Edward is not a vampire by choice… he hates being a vampire and struggles with it daily, fighting the basic need to feed on human blood. That fact that he fell in love with his prey and is willing to struggle against his in-human instincts, proves that his love is stronger than any else!
April 10th, 2009 - 08:47
I love your idea for the movie “Big Dummy”.
That made me giggle.
Congrats on making it to the play offs! We are SOOO excited!!!!! RIP CITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
April 17th, 2009 - 10:09
Frye-Chan,
As a 36 year old “teenage vampire” myself…
(Never mind, I’m laughing too hard. That’s the funnyest thing I’ve said all weak! I think I’m gonna start all my responses with that statement from now on. For example: “mr.Fix, what do you think of Mike Rices faux-hawk?” “Well, as a teenage vampire, I have to admit, it’s o.k. If you swing that way.” Ya feel me on this one?)
April 30th, 2009 - 10:38
Channing, I understand your troubles! If you want to truly understand the craziness of Twilight, might I suggest listening to a Portland, OR based podcast: Twilighters Anonymous Podcast. I am actually a host, and I promise you, we will give you an answer to your confusion in our next episode due out on Tuesday May 5!
PS & BTW you are made of awesome!
April 20th, 2010 - 19:23
Yeah I think the books all about sexual tension. I cried hysterically at the nd of new moon… And no I’m not a “sappy” person. I’m a person who easily fits into the characters shoes and endures the emotions that they endure. Anyways, the movies do not accurately portray the book and the characters. So don’t think Bella is entirely unemotional just because Kristen stewart is a pothead. She’s a pretty humane character in the book; she actually emotes and has a bit of a personality.